The Poker Tournament

In order to fit enough people into Eddie's apartment for the poker tournament, I decided to bring over the chairs from my place. They barely fit in the back of my car.



We were just about to get started at table two around 8:15pm last night.


Table one was all set as well.


At table one, Albert was looking to go all the way and take the first place cash prize.


And at table two, both Brandon (in the Dodgers hat) and I had our sights set on the final table.


At table two, Hot Karl picked up some extra chips with a full house, fours over sixes.


In a shocking turn of events, Albert became the first person to lose at the tournament. Brian, happy that Albert was out, decided to make a funny face.


I hadn't really won much of anything until I picked up pocket 8s (seen here).


I picked up a third 8 on the turn for my first significant win of the night, beating Karl's pair of jacks. Little did I know there would be much more to come.


So I gathered up all my hard-earned chips before my next hand...


...which happened to be pocket aces. Jeff, a friend of Eddie's brother, had a low chip stack and a decided to go all in after picking up two pair on the flop, queens and jacks. The only problem was I picked up a third ace. I won the hand, and Jeff was the first casualty at table two.


Jeff couldn't believe it as he got up from the table to join Albert as the two people now out of the tournament.


He sure didn't bet on me having pocket aces.


Over at table one, Brad entered the tournament after Albert left and was putting on his glasses for every big hand. Overjoyed by Brad sitting next to him, Brian once again makes a funny face.


Brandon (Eddie's brother) became the next casualty at table two and the second person I took out of the tournament.


After the win over Brandon, I was clearly the chip leader at table two. (white: $0.10; red: $0.25; black: $0.50 and green: $1)


Jim (left) and Dave (right) were looking at a good straight draw with a jack, ten, nine and eight all on the table.


Jim threw all his chips into the pot, putting Dave all in, then he sat back and watched as Dave called...and lost. Jim took Dave out and table two was down to six players...


...so in a random drawing, Curtis was selected from table one to join our table to make the numbers even.


Eventually, Karl and Curtis both lost, leaving our table with five people...


...so Eddie became the next person randomly selected to balance out the tables.


But with every other person's loss, I picked up more and more chips...


...and decided to trade out most of them for the $5 blue chips. Those 11 blue chips alone added up to $55 in chips (and I along with everyone else had started with $20). Things were looking good.


Over at table one, Brad was building up his chip stack after flirting with elimination.


Brian took defeat harded than most players last night.

(photo courtesy of eddie)

When there were only nine people left, everyone from both tables came over to our table to form the final table for the tournament. I was chip leader going in.


I traded out my red and white chips for blues, greens and blacks and made a run for the top spots and cash winnings.


Eddie also advanced to the final table and was ready to win his own tournament.


Eddie's friend Joel made a risky all-in bet but stayed alive when his pocket aces won the hand.


Brad had also made it to the final table and made use of his glasses with each important hand.


And for a little guy he was building a big pile of chips with each win.


Eddie wasn't having much luck at the final table but managed to avoid elimination.


He decided to put on a hat and get drunk to help his chances. Surprisingly, his strategy was paying off...


...so he went outside and had a cigar.


Life is good when you're smokin' a cigar and playin' poker.

(photo courtesy of eddie)

Eddie was enjoying himself while Jordie, the only girl in the tournament, was trying to avoid elimination and make it to the money.


I was just sitting back and taking it all in. I was still the chip leader and had stolen Brad's glasses for a hand. I assumed taking his glasses would cripple his ability to play poker, but I was wrong.


There were six players left at the final table: (clockwise) Jordie, Mike, Brad, myself (not pictured) Brett and Eddie. The top four won money, and fifth place would get their $20 buy-in back. Brandon sat in between Eddie and Brett, closely watching each hand...


...until Eddie flipped Brandon's chair and down he went.


And while the fall broke the chair, the chair broke Brandon's fall.


Eddie started showing signs of weakness or at least signs of "drunk-ness" as the night progressed.


When Brad put Jordie all-in, Eddie advised her to call, but her pocket jacks were no match for Brad's runner-runner two pair. Jordie let Eddie know she was less than thrilled about his advice to call.


After Mike lost (5th place), Brett along with Eddie, Brad and myself were guaranteed some profit. Brett made his move with his queen-jack offsuit...


...and while Brett paired his jack on the flop, at the same time, I paired my king. Brett bet big, and when I put him all-in he called. The river gave me three kings and solidified my spot in the top three. Brett finished in 4th place.


With only Eddie, Brad and myself left in the game, the prize money was on the table and on the line. Adding up the $20 buy-ins, 3rd place would get $60, 2nd would get $90, and the tournament champion would take home $150.


With the blinds increased to $4/$8, Eddie was unable to keep pace with me and Brad. He took 3rd place in the tournament.


You can see why Brad did so well in the tournament...INTIMIDATION!

(photo courtesy of eddie)

After defeating Eddie to solidify my spot in the top two, Brad and I decided that because it would have taken a while for one of us to actually take all of the other's chips, and because it was already 2:45am, we called it a draw. We split the combined 1st and 2nd place prize money and called it a night.


VICTORY IS OURS! Brad and I split the $240 as co-champs of the tournament.

(photo courtesy of eddie)

Thinking about the tournament this morning, I don't mind that I split the winnings with Brad. As you can see, there was plenty to go around.

Super Mario Bros Ending

I don't remember watching this ending after defeating Bowser in Super Mario on my Nintendo. Poor Mario. He went through so much. Poor Mario.

Great quote of the day

God healed Terrell Owens: Apparently I misread the entire Bible, and when Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor,” he meant, “Be thou an egocentric, homophobic asshole. As long as thou can breakest away from double coverage.”

-collegehumor.com

Michael deserves a Hall pass

When I heard who would be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this weekend, I was shocked. Not by Dan Marino's induction. Not by Steven Young's induction. By Michael Irvin's exclusion! Is that a joke?

Irvin deserves the Hall of Fame. The only feasible reason to keep him out would be his off-field problem, and I don't believe that's enough!

As if his 750 receptions for 11,904 yards and 65 touchdowns in the regular season from 1988-1999 with the Cowboys wasn't enough, Irvin was intrumental in the 'Boys' three Super Bowl wins (XXVII, XXVIII, XXX) in tht 1990s. There's a reason his nickname will always be The Playmaker.

That's what Michael Irvin did. I grew up going to Texas Stadium and watching Troy Aikman play-fake the ball to Emmitt Smith before launching it downfield to Irvin, who would make a juggling circus catch before running the rest of the way to the endzone. In fact, Michael Irvin led the Cowboys in receiving from 1991-1998.

Let's not forget his playoff numbers: 87 receptions for 1,315 yards and eight touchdowns in seven playoff seasons ('91-'96, '98).

Irvin's number's are good enough for Canton. That is indisputable.

Don't believe me? Let's compare The Playmaker to the best receiver in NFL History: Jerry Rice.

Jerry Rice, who has played 20 seasons from 1985-2004 (and may very well be back next year) in the NFL has recorded 22,895 receiving yards (a record that will never be broken by anyone). He has played in 303 games, starting 284 of them. Michael Irvin played in roughly half that many games (159 - while starting 147 of them).

Michael Irvin's career was cut short by injury four games into the 1999 season when he took a vicious hit going over the middle at the Vet in Philadelphia. He only played 11 full NFL seasons - about half that of Jerry Rice.

Logically, by only playing half as much as Rice, Irvin should have about half his numbers, which he does: 11,904 yards to 22,895. Irvin has 750 receptions to Rice's 1549. I'm not saying that Irvin would have played 20 years and broken or even come close to Rice's all-time records, but during his career, Irvin was at the same pace as Rice.

The numbers don't lie. Irvin should be in the Hall of Fame.

His off-field problems are keeping him out of Canton, and I have a problem with that. Irvin did have some serious drug problems during his time with the Dallas Cowboys. He was even arrested for possession. That has nothing to do with his ability to make plays on the field. Irvin wasn't a saint off the field, but he had the numbers.

Let's take a look at what would happen if the situation was reversed. What if Irvin didn't have the numbers, but was a humanitarian? Let's say that over his full 11 seasons in the NFL, Irvin only record an average of 20-30 receptions a year instead of his career average of 67. Instead of his 65 TD's, he only had 25, but he was a good person?

The Pro Football Hall of Fame wouldn't have even looked at him for a spot! It's about the numbers. It's about how they did on the field. Irvin took care of business when he stepped onto the turf at Texas Stadium and any other stadium he went to. He deserves his Hall pass.

This isn't like baseball's Pete Rose situation where Rose actually tainted the game by betting on the team he was managing. That's not an off-field problem. That's making the game of baseball dishonest. Irvin did nothing like that.

Irvin had drug problems. I can live with that. Irvin's drug problems didn't rock the foundation of the National Football League. He went out there 159 times in his career and made plays. The Playmaker needs his Hall pass.

Bitter old woman

After reading about the two girls ordered to pay $900 in medical bills for a neighbor they "startled", I realized that it's that type of neighbor, that type of person that is really ruining this country.

If you haven't heard about this, the two girls baked cookies and decided to deliver them to neighbors as a surprise. They would ring the doorbell and when someone answered the door: COOKIES!

How great is that! I would love someone in my neighborhood who just randomly delivered homemade chocolate chip cookies. You'd be hard-pressed to find someone who wouldn't like that ... other than 49-year-old Wanita Renea Young.

When the two girls rang Young's front door, Young asked who was there, but the girls didn't respond because they wanted to cookies to be a surprise. Young got scared because she saw the "shadowy figures" and decided to spend the night at her sister's house. In the morning, she went to the hospital because she had an upset stomach and was still unnerved by the encounter from the night before.

The judge ordered the girls pay the medical bills but didn't award any punitive damages. He said he didn't think the girls acted maliciously.

Here's what I don't understand: HOW THE HELL DOES SOME MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN DECIDE TO SUE TWO GIRLS FOR BAKING HER COOKIES!!! Was she joking? The girls baked her cookies, she got spooked and decided to sue! That's ludicrous. I can't believe that someone would actually do this.

If I realized that what I thought was a burglar or a potential intruder to my home turned out to be two girls delivering cookies, I'd probably go over there and ask them for the cookies I never got! I certainly wouldn't sue.

Terrorists attack toy

The United States is doing pretty well in the war on terror when the enemy is now attempting to hold our toys hostage. An Islamist web site posted a picture of a toy soldier, what a representative from Dragon Models USA said appeared to "Special Ops Cody", with a gun pointed at this head.

I don't know if the operation to rescue Cody is underway, but when the enemy is resorting to holding plastic replicas of our soldiers hostage, it sends me the message that we are nearing the end of this battle against terrorism.

Here's the picture of the toy soldier that was posted on the Islamist web site.


Here is Special Ops Cody covered in plastic preparing for a mission.


Take a look at Special Ops Cody's equipment!


I do think it is a serious matter when any human soldier is captured and held hostage by terrorists, so please don't comment saying that I have no remorse for captured soldiers. I just think that the fact that terrorists had to settle for a toy is somewhat stupid. It was a good attempted bluff on their part, but these America-hating bastards don't know what they're up against. God Bless the USA.

Disfunctional Family Feud

When you don't tell your kids you love them enough, bad things happen. Don't believe me? Check out this freaky story from cnn.com.


Not what I'd call a loving family.

Return of the Jefi

For those of you who regularly checked my Instant Messenger profile last year, you saw the quotations from my roommate, Pretty Boy Jeff, that I posted. Sometimes they would make us laugh, cry or just scratch our heads and wonder how he got into USC.

But now, at long last, they are back!

Getting food (in pictures)

Here's a quick-and-easy visual guide on how I would recommend getting food:

First get in the car

Drive to destination

Arrive at destination

Get food

Dig in

Smile because it's so damn good

Remember the gecko

One small jump for a gecko, one gaint leap for reptiles.

Who remembers this? I know I do. I was watching the morning news anchor Michael Scott was "attacked" by a gecko on live television. If you haven't seen this before, watch it. If you have seen this, take a look and remember just how funny it was.

Volleyball Mismanagement

I have always tried to be a team player. From the middle school tennis team to the club volleyball team I played for in high school, I never tried to be a standout or a one-man-show. Ask my teammates; they'll agree.

I wouldn't mind riding the bench all season if it was in the best interest in the team. Don't believe me? My senior year of high school, I rarely played in matches for the varsity tennis team, but we went on to win the conference title. I was fine with that.

Yesterday, however, at a volleyball tournament in Long Beach with the 'SC club team, I realized that at some point maybe something is wrong. I want what's best for the team. I want to win as many matches as possible, but I am pretty darn sure that my presence on the court would help that. If I play poorly then bench me, but if I'm doing well, keep me out there.

Here's the deal:

In the first match yesterday, I continued to have trouble connecting with Kyle, the team's setter. I really wasn't having a good match. I had a few blocks, but I had some hitting errors too. I knew I had a bad match. Everyone knew I had a bad match. But the coach kept me in there. I don't know why.

As a player, I wanted to stay out there because I thought I'd be able to turn it around, but if I had been coaching the team right then, I would have pulled me. There were definitely capable back-ups on the bench.

At one point during the match, I jumped to hit a quick outside set. I jumped up early, like a middle blocker should, and got ready to hit. In my opinion, the set came out somewhat slow. I was already coming down from the peak of my jump and was unable to make good contact on the ball. I hit it out. I know it's my responsibility as a hitter to put the ball in the court after it leaves the setter's hands, but unlike the rest of the middles on the team, I am up early - which is good for middles. That way the setter can shoot the ball quickly to me.

Instead the set was a semi-lob. After the hit, I motioned to the setter to push the ball out faster. The coach immediately called a timeout and bitched me out for complaining about what he described as a "perfect set" that I had "no excuse to miss." Uh...how about no. How about the set needs to be faster in order to be an actual 3 set.

The coach was pissed, yet he decided to leave me in the game. Now, don't get me wrong. I should have put the ball in, but the set should have been there. Just because the setter is used to lobbing those types of sets because the majority of the other middles on this team are constantly late on their approach doesn't mean that I should adjust my approach to match that.

I'm not trying to be arrogant or egotistical or a jackass for that matter, but that's just how you play volleyball. Middle blockers need to get up early! Any knowledgeable coach will tell you that. I heard it all last year while practicing with the NCAA team.

After the match, the coach told me that I needed to bring the fire to the tournament that I usually have in practice. He said that I looked like I was playing without confidence. Okay. I can deal with that criticism. Tell me what I'm doing wrong or what I need to change, and I'll do my best to correct it.

In between matches, I told a teammate of mine and a fellow middle blocker who I assumed would start for me in the next match that I expected to get benched that match. We talked about how I probably should have been pulled. I didn't want to go sit, but we both agreed that as a coach, the best move would have been subbing me out.

The next match, I came out a different player. I was fired up and ready to play. In the teams pregame huddle, I gave a quick pep talk before we took the court. I was ready to play this match. I didn't plan on having another disappointing performance like the first match.

In the first three plays, I had two blocks. I was fired up. We were playing with all kinds of energy. We were picking up momentum and building a lead. Then I rotated to the back row and subbed out as usual. Our lead began to diminish and our energy level declined. I'm not saying that my absence from the court was the sole reason for the team's lead to slip away, but I think it was somewhat of a factor.

When I got back in, we started to roll again. I had some big kills and made one hitting error in that first game. At the end of the game, however, I rotated to the back row and came out. The other team took the lead and the game. I wanted to be in there to try to help, but there was nothing I could do but stand on the sideline and encourage my teammates.

After that game, despite the loss, I was ready to go back out there and continue keeping the team energy high. We were playing a team we could definitely beat. After the last game I was on an emotional high that I was ready to transform into momentum for the team. Instead, as I took the court, the coach told me that I wasn't going to play in the second game.

Now here's where I have a problem!

I don't doubt that I deserved to be subbed out during yesterday's tournament. I just question when the coach decided to pull me. I had just had by far my best game of the day and the season for this team and was full of positive energy. I was ready to do it again. Nope.

Instead I didn't see the court again until the last five points of the tournament when the coach decided to take out everyone on the court to give those of us on the bench some playing time.

I just don't understand why he would have left me in to start that second match. If at any point during that day I deserved to be taken out (which I definitely feel I did), it was during the first match. The coach should have started the second match with me not on the floor if he was planning on pulling me. I can't figure out why he would take me out after such a strong showing. I just doesn't make sense to me.

Why bother

After yesterday's terrible train crash in Glendale, there is speculation about the man responsible for the tragedy eventually facing the death penalty. So far 11 people have been pronounced dead as a result of this commuter train wreck, and the man who parked his train on the tracks, Juan Manuel Alvarez, is facing 11 counts of murder.

Here's the part I don't understand:

This guy is allegedly solely responsible for this wreck. He parked his car on the tracks but backed out of the suicide attempt moments before the train hit. Eleven people are dead and more than 180 injured thanks to him.

The LA County DA has charged him with 11 counts of murder, yet there has been no decision on whether to pursue the death penalty.

What do you have to do for them to not have to speculate on pursuing the death penalty? Start a jihad? Genocide? What does it take? This guy is responsible for eleven deaths. In his own failed, half-assed suicide attempt, he managed to keep himself alive and kill 11 others. Eleven innocent people. And here in California they are "considering" the death penalty!!!

FUCK THAT!

FRY THIS GUY!

Juan Manuel Alvarez should be executed. If California doesn't wanna do it, then by all means send his ass to Huntsville, TX. He doesn't deserve to live. He deserves a needle in the arm. I woke up yesterday morning, turned on the television and saw overturned train cars and bloodied bodies on Costco carts being wheeled away. This is the fault of Alvarez.

The part that really disturbs me is that most likely, if and when he is convicted, he won't be executed. While the judge may decide the death penalty is necessary, there is no way he will actually be executed. California has the most inmates on death row in the country yet is 18th in executions carried out. I don't like the idea of this guy escaping his executing because California is too sensitive to actually execute those people it sentences to death.

Stick a needle in his arm. Put in on the chair. Line him up in front of a firing squad, for all I care, but kill him. He has earned his execution and should not be allowed to die in prison. Cut this man's life short - it's apparently what he planned on doing yesterday morning, before the train got to him.

Joke of journalism

Earlier this month, I posted a blog entry about how I thought it was ridiculous that a Romanian couple named their son "Yahoo" because they met online. I actually said I didn't believe it really happened. As it turns out, I was right.

The reporter who wrote the story fabricated the incident. It didn't really happen. He used his own doctored birth certificate in the story has a source. I'm glad the bastard reporter got fired. It's those types of people that make the journalism profession look bad.

Stupid reporters.

NFC/AFC Title Game Comments

Read as-it-happens updates and comments from the NFC and AFC Conference Championship games.

First:
Falcons/Eagles
Then:
Patriots/Steelers

TMNT old school

Personally, I can't stand the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I don't like how they seem too Japanamation-ized. Not to mention I grew up watching the original series. For those of you out there who miss the originals, I found what I consider to be a comprehensive episode guide from the original TMNT series that aired from 1987-1996, and I would like to share it with all of you.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Episode Guide
Episode List

Also, here's links to the Season #1 and #2 episodes.
Season #1 (1987)

1. Turtle Tracks
2. Enter the Shredder
3. A Thing About Rats
4. Hot Rodding Teenagers From Dimension X
5. Shredder and Splintered
   
   Season #2 (1988)
   
6. Return of the Shredder
7. The Incredible Shrinking Turtles
8. It Came From Beneath The Sewers
9. The Mean Machines
10. Cure of The Evil Eye
11. The Case of The Killer Pizzas
12. Enter: The Fly
13. Splinter No More
14. Teenagers From Dimension X
15. Invasion of the Punk Frogs
16. New York's Shiniest
17. The Cat Woman of Channel Six
18. Return of the Technodrome

The rest of the episodes from the other eight seasons can be found via these links:

Season #3 (1989)
Season #4 (1990)
Season #5 (1991)
Season #6 (1992)
Season #7 (1993)
Season #8 (1994)
Season #9 (1995)
Season #10 (1996)

ENJOY THESE HEROS IN A HALF SHELL

TURTLE POWER!!!

Darth Tater

Now tell me this isn't cool:

This potato was burned in the deep fryer and consequently has a dark side.

I just think this new toy from the Mr. Potato Head people, Darth Tater, is kinda funny. I saw this on Yahoo! in the news briefs. Click here to read the article.

Death Penalty Differences

Today on a news quiz in my broadcast reporting class, the teacher asked us "What happened this morning just after midnight?"

I hadn't checked the news this morning before class and didn't know the answer to the question. As we were going over the answers and we got to this question, the teacher gave us the answer: "a man was executed. Donald Beardslee. Lethal Injection," he told us.

Big deal, I thought to myself. Someone got the death penalty. I didn't realize that this - the first death penalty in California since January 29, 2002 and eleventh since 1976 - was such a rarety. I am - after all - from Texas, and while The Lone Star State is second to California for the number of inmates on death row, we execute the most people by far.

In fact, Texas has executed 337 inmates since the death penalty was brought back from its moritorium. I guess the news stations in Texas do report on people getting the death penalty, but to me it's become almost "the norm." Maybe that's weird, or maybe that's just Texas.

***CLICK FOR STATISTICS AND INFORMATION ON THE DEATH PENALTY***

Ashlee Simpsuck

I would like to make a political statement:
ASHLEE SIMPSON SUCKS!

Obviously she can't sing. She isn't attractive. She can't dance. And she does not - I repeat does not - make me wanna la la. What does that even mean? "You make me wanna la la." I can only pray that la la means SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Here's my biggest problem with her. It's not the fact that she is - to borrow a phrase from Office Space's Michael Bolton - a no-talent ass-clown, but the fact that she is in complete denial is starting to get on my nerves. I was at the Orange Bowl on January 4 when she performed in the halftime show, and I along with tens of thousands of other fans booed her.

Why? Because she isn't any good. Did you not see the SNL disaster? Severe acid relux...BULL SHIT!

Yet Ashlee refuses to acknowledge that we were booing her. He publicist after the game said something to the effect that we were all calling out for her to sing another song, entitled something that sounds like "boo". And now she has once again come out and said tried to spin the fact that we booed her when 1) they announced her name over the loud speaker, and 2) she finished singing.

Here is an article from Yahoo! NEWS:

Ashlee: All Apologies
Fri Jan 14, 9:05 PM ET

Entertainment - E! Online
By Charlie Amter
Is it possible 78,000 football fans at Miami's Pro Player stadium simply
didn't care for Ashlee Simpson (news)'s vocal stylings when she was rounded booed during the Orange Bowl (news - web sites) halftime show?

Not according to the singer.

Simpson again tried to spin--if not hoedown--her way out of a national embarrassment this week by telling MTV the many reasons why she
believes she was the subject of a hugely negative reaction among the football faithful watching USC and Okalahoma during the Jan. 3 BCS Championship Game.

The raven-haired popster, who blamed last year's Saturday Night Live lip-synching debacle on (a) her drummer and (b) a bad case of acid reflux, came up with a whole bunch of explanations for the booing this time out, and none had to do with her shrieking, voice-cracking performance.

"There were no ear monitors when we went on stage," Jessica's
little sis told MTV.com.

"And trying to sing in a stadium where you can't hear yourself is kinda
hard," the 21-year old added.

In the end, though, she did manage to soldier through a live rendition of "La La," a tune off her debut disc Autobiography. But if a bad sound system is at fault for her closing boos, what explains the jeers at the start of her performance?

"I was facing the Oklahoma Sooners [which had a bigger crowd on hand], and I was rooting for USC, and they played a clip of it, so maybe it was that those people didn't like me," she postulated.

The singer even offered up a strange sort of apology.

"Maybe they were booing at me, maybe they were booing at the halftime show because the whole thing sucked. If they didn't like the performance, and that's what it was about, then sorry to them."

But apologies are simply not enough for some music fans, who recently started circulating an online petition demanding that
Simpson quit her music career posthaste.

"We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again," the Stop Ashlee Simpson petition reads. "She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into the mic." So far, more than 14,000 people have endorsed the sentiment.

Last year, an organization called H.O.P.E offered a Ashlee Simpson CD swap, in which former Simpson fans in New York could exchange their Simpson discs for a CD of what the group calls "one of higher entertainment quality."

Simpson can only hope crowds for her upcoming tour will be more sympathetic--the jaunt kicks off Feb. 18 at Los Angeles' Universal Amphitheater.

Now let me bring something to your attention. First, just to reiterate the article, Ashlee said that they were probably booing the whole halftime show, not just her, but I don't recall booing when they announced Kelly Clarkson's name over the loudspeaker - and she's from Texas which would potentially give the OU fans a reason to jeer. No, we were booing Ashlee Simpson. And we booed before, after and in some cases during her performance.

Also, she said that because she was rooting for USC, the OU fans - who did have an overwhelming majority that night - booed her. But I'm a USC fan. I'm a USC student. I was booing her. I don't care that she said she's a USC fan. I care because for the five or ten minutes she was on stage, my ears wanted to die.

This girl is in denial. She has nothing that resembles a potential pop star. Not a good voice. No real talent in general. Nothing. Someone just make her stop.

Oh, and Ashlee, quick question: WHAT THE HELL DOES LA LA MEAN??? Because, believe me, we all wish you wouldn't.

Darwin Awards contestant

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Darwin Awards, they are awarded to those whose greatest service to society was removing themselves from the gene pool. Some of the most random, comical and sometimes disturbing incidents resulting in a person's own death - which they were responsible for - can be found here.

I bring this up because this morning I think I found a finalist for this year: a woman attempting a handstand on the railing of a second-floor balcony. She didn't make it. I just can't believe that the thought of "hmm, me upside down 20 feet above the ground...this can't result well" never entered her mind.

Granted this woman isn't close to being in the same league as the man who tried to clean an oil-tanker or my all-time favorite JATO truck "incident", but she did do our civilization a great service and for that she should be at least considered for a Darwin Award.

VIEW THE 2003 WINNERS
2002 WINNERS
2001 WINNERS
2000 WINNERS
1999 WINNERS
1998 WINNERS
1997 WINNERS
1996 WINNERS
1995 WINNERS
1994 WINNERS
(ALL YEARS)