Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Ashlee Simpsuck

I would like to make a political statement:

Obviously she can't sing. She isn't attractive. She can't dance. And she does not - I repeat does not - make me wanna la la. What does that even mean? "You make me wanna la la." I can only pray that la la means SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Here's my biggest problem with her. It's not the fact that she is - to borrow a phrase from Office Space's Michael Bolton - a no-talent ass-clown, but the fact that she is in complete denial is starting to get on my nerves. I was at the Orange Bowl on January 4 when she performed in the halftime show, and I along with tens of thousands of other fans booed her.

Why? Because she isn't any good. Did you not see the SNL disaster? Severe acid relux...BULL SHIT!

Yet Ashlee refuses to acknowledge that we were booing her. He publicist after the game said something to the effect that we were all calling out for her to sing another song, entitled something that sounds like "boo". And now she has once again come out and said tried to spin the fact that we booed her when 1) they announced her name over the loud speaker, and 2) she finished singing.

Here is an article from Yahoo! NEWS:

Ashlee: All Apologies
Fri Jan 14, 9:05 PM ET

Entertainment - E! Online
By Charlie Amter
Is it possible 78,000 football fans at Miami's Pro Player stadium simply
didn't care for Ashlee Simpson (
news)'s vocal stylings when she was rounded booed during the Orange Bowl (news - web sites
) halftime show?

Not according to the singer.

Simpson again tried to spin--if not hoedown--her way out of a national embarrassment this week by telling MTV the many reasons why she
believes she was the subject of a hugely negative reaction among the football faithful watching USC and Okalahoma during the Jan. 3 BCS Championship Game.

The raven-haired popster, who blamed last year's Saturday Night Live lip-synching debacle on (a) her drummer and (b) a bad case of acid reflux, came up with a whole bunch of explanations for the booing this time out, and none had to do with her shrieking, voice-cracking performance.

"There were no ear monitors when we went on stage," Jessica's
little sis told

"And trying to sing in a stadium where you can't hear yourself is kinda
hard," the 21-year old added.

In the end, though, she did manage to soldier through a live rendition of "La La," a tune off her debut disc Autobiography. But if a bad sound system is at fault for her closing boos, what explains the jeers at the start of her performance?

"I was facing the Oklahoma Sooners [which had a bigger crowd on hand], and I was rooting for USC, and they played a clip of it, so maybe it was that those people didn't like me," she postulated.

The singer even offered up a strange sort of apology.

"Maybe they were booing at me, maybe they were booing at the halftime show because the whole thing sucked. If they didn't like the performance, and that's what it was about, then sorry to them."

But apologies are simply not enough for some music fans, who recently started circulating an online petition demanding that
Simpson quit her music career posthaste.

"We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again," the Stop Ashlee Simpson petition reads. "She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into the mic." So far, more than 14,000 people have endorsed the sentiment.

Last year, an organization called H.O.P.E offered a Ashlee Simpson CD swap, in which former Simpson fans in New York could exchange their Simpson discs for a CD of what the group calls "one of higher entertainment quality."

Simpson can only hope crowds for her upcoming tour will be more sympathetic--the jaunt kicks off Feb. 18 at Los Angeles' Universal Amphitheater.

Now let me bring something to your attention. First, just to reiterate the article, Ashlee said that they were probably booing the whole halftime show, not just her, but I don't recall booing when they announced Kelly Clarkson's name over the loudspeaker - and she's from Texas which would potentially give the OU fans a reason to jeer. No, we were booing Ashlee Simpson. And we booed before, after and in some cases during her performance.

Also, she said that because she was rooting for USC, the OU fans - who did have an overwhelming majority that night - booed her. But I'm a USC fan. I'm a USC student. I was booing her. I don't care that she said she's a USC fan. I care because for the five or ten minutes she was on stage, my ears wanted to die.

This girl is in denial. She has nothing that resembles a potential pop star. Not a good voice. No real talent in general. Nothing. Someone just make her stop.

Oh, and Ashlee, quick question: WHAT THE HELL DOES LA LA MEAN??? Because, believe me, we all wish you wouldn't.

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